My (almost) princess

All my life I've been looking for a princess...

Someone to spoil, someone to treat right. I've been waiting for that person all my life. I really thought you were the one, I wanted to do everything to make you happy, contented, comfortable with me. I wanted to make you feel how you made me feel every single text, call, talk. For once I was genuinely happy, and again, I thought you were the one. I will never treat you the way others treated you, I wanted to make you my princess, never letting your feet touch the ground. But alas, you already chose, and left me holding the crown that I was supposed to put on your head.

I love you. But I think my love is not enough, come to think of it, maybe it never was.

-dwight

Wow.

Shoot me and just get the job done, you've done enough damage already.

I knew it. I was just kidding myself, making myself hold on to nothing. Hey, who am I to be the one who will make you happy, who am I to think that I could be happy for once, WHO AM I?

Wow. This hurts like hell. I couldn't blame anyone else, this was my choice. I finally get to feel the burn. The burn hurts like hell. You do everything to make her happy, yet nothing seems to be enough, nothing you do seems to make her feel that you love her. NOTHING.

Shit. I should have known this was coming. I let myself believe that FINALLY, I GET THE CHANCE TO BE HAPPY. FINALLY, SOMETHING THAT I DESERVE. Maybe I deserve this, I didn't learn my lesson. I gave everything up again. Why does it have to be like this? Is this the reward I get every time I get to love someone? Well, maybe its my fault. I got too attached.

Will someone please pick up the pistol from the table and shoot me with it in the head? You've done enough damage already. There's nothing left to do but finish the job. Let me die.

-dwight

Taco bell?

"Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere"- Adele

A little bird told me something about a picture and wall posts.

Am I just kidding myself? Am I that of a failure that I always have to end up crawling, hurt? Do I always have to shed tears?

Maybe, its what I am. As I've said, I'm gonna die alone. It makes me wince every time I see those posts. You don't know this feeling. This feeling that, nothing is EVER going to happen because you will NEVER get over. I need to know if you're just playing me for chumps, making me believe that there's a chance. It just makes me cry every time I think about it, every time I see it. Maybe that's why you're so confused. Maybe, all I can give is everything I have, and that wouldn't be enough. What am I compared to that, eh? I could make you happy, but I couldn't make you love me.

Am I just kidding myself?

-dwight

Waking up from a nightmare

You know what its like waking up from a nightmare?

You're heart is racing. You're sweating cold sweat. But after all of those subside, you realize, it was just a dream, a bad dream. But what if its not a nightmare, you'd think its a nightmare, you'd just wish it was only a nightmare, but it isn't. You feel it. You see it. You'd shake yourself awake, pleading that everything that is happening is not true, but it is. You cant get away. 

I painted you a picture just so you could understand what I am feeling right now while I write this. I wish this was just a nightmare, a bad dream. No way this could be a bad dream, I pinched myself three times, its legit. Maybe, I want to believe this is a bad dream because I just cant believe what's happening right now is true. I cant accept the fact that the war is almost over, and I'm losing. Chances are winning are low. Attempts to fight are futile. I just cant seem to win. No matter how I try, I cant prove that I'm better. 

Will someone please wake me up?!

-dwight

pain

Wikipedia defines pain as "an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience". 

You know, this feeling sucks. Pain. Its there when you scrape your knee, its there when you get shot, its there when you fall down the stairs, its also there when you lose hope on love.

I see what's happening. I should've known better. It hurts when you know you have no control over what's happening. It hurts when the only thing you are fighting for, is being taken away from you, a chance. Maybe, if I didnt tell her, if she didnt know that I love her, the pain would be less. But I have told her, she already knows. Its like skydiving, loving the thrill, but forgetting that you didnt wear your parachute. Falling and falling, just waiting for the moment you feel the excruciating feeling of hitting the ground.  Or a disease, slowly killing every part of your body until you're paralyzed, unable to move, begging the disease to kill you but it wont. I never thought that the pain would hurt this bad, its like its slowly eating me up, until there's none left. I want to shout "KILL ME NOW! END IT! PLEASE JUST DO IT! PULL THE TRIGGER! MAKE MY HEART STOP, ANYTHING TO MAKE THIS PAIN NUMB!!!" 

There's a remedy for almost every pain, there's betadine for knee scrapes, there's surgery when you get shot, there's a cast for broken bones from falling down the stairs...

but there's no cure for a broken heart.

-dwight

Just perfect

You know when you find that perfect girl....

She's absolutely the perfect girl. Everything you're looking for in a girl molded into one being. She's the one who makes me happy. Every time I'm with her, I just wish time would stop so we could stay there, cherish the moment and for once, feel the feeling of happiness. I love her smile, that smile would always make me happy, that smile would always make me smile. That smile that always makes fireworks every time I see it. Her pout, that cute little pout that she makes, just wanna make you make her sad just to see that, and when you notice it and tell her, it turns into that smile you've been waiting for. And the way she moves, not gracefully, but like a child, not wary of everything around her, its like the world is her floor. The way she sings in that cute little voice. The way she thinks of other people's welfare before herself's.

I love everything about her. I just wish she'd love me too.

Have you ever had the feeling that...

maybe, you're just gonna die alone? 

the way I see it, its always the same scenario, find a girl, fall in love, get hurt, cry, get back up again. Its always the same cyclical routine that is happening to me since I started to learn how to love someone. Maybe its my fault that I get too attached to someone, making the effort to make her happy, but will always fail in the end. I know the feeling sucks but its exactly how my life is fairing right now. I cant find the girl that would FINALLY break the curse. Maybe, I already found her, but she's still at a crossroads, unfortunately, not in my advantage. Would I die alone, maybe live in an apartment and fill it up with rubbish? Sounds tragic but the way I see it, that's the life I'm headed to. I just cant be happy, no one would make me happy. 

Am I really gonna die alone?

-dwight :)

testing, testing

Hey! Dwight here. Its the first time I've done this, blogging. So, if you're reading this now, please bear with me as I introduce myself to this world of blogs. :)

So, here's some things people already know about me:
- I'm Dwight
-18
-1st time blogger
-I play guitar
-I love to collect toys
-I love sports
-I read lots of books
-I try to be happy everyday, even though I know that I'm not.
-I have lots of friends

That's pretty much who I am so far. you'll learn about me when I start filling this page up with stories and heartfelt(?) rants. :)

-see ya when I see ya! :) dwight.