last dance?

why am i doing this? I dont know really. but i'm guessing this would be my heartfelt note. i dont even care about grammar puctuations and capitalizations anymore. im just saying this out of pure thought.

hey you reader. i hope that when you read this, you show this to the world. that there was once a guy who lived to be happy and sad at the same time. and reader, i hope youre real enough to actually read this.

pain. the word pain. the feeling of pain. hearing someone in pain. seeing someone in pain. it just makes you weak inside. i have been through pain, and a lot of it. feeling, seeing, hearing...all by myself. pain that never made me stronger, only made me weaker. weaker that nobody would ever care for me anymore, because i am weak. i can never sustain myself. that i could be clobbered in any way. that i could not defend myself. a lot of instances and people told me in my face that i could not do it. all my life i was faced with rejection. i was never good. even my family says i am wak. i am stupid. i am ignorant. i could never do much by myself. i could never live by myself. that i am an idiot. hearing these words. it made me realize what a useless being i am. that i am the scum living in this world. i am the scum that prevents the world from improving. its scum like me that never puts the world in balance.

when i am alone by myself. i think. should i end this miserable life? should i end my life for the good of others? because they treat me as a burden. that they suffer if theyre with me or near me.

should i?

maybe i should.

maybe, in my departure. everyone will be better off. everyone will be happier.

maybe i will be too, finally.

-end-