There are two ways to relieve yourself of sadness, depression and all of those negative vibes. Either you punch a wall so hard that it might break (of course the hand, but so little the wall) or you could write. And to be honest, I'd rather have a functioning hand to write instead of a broken one that's useless.

There are feelings that I have, feelings that doesn't manifest but is there, like a ghost. And one way or another, you have to take notice, because unlike ghost, these feelings stab you like a dagger, piercing your insides, going deeper and deeper until it reaches your heart. 

Wasn't this supposed to be fun, to be a happy feeling? I thought having a new life would strengthen me? Why does it keep on pushing me down to the ground? Why does it keep punching me with blows that knock me out? Why does it keep on hurting me? Why does it hit me hard whenever a good thing happens? Why can't it be a simple life?

So many questions in my head that I can't even answer. Why can't I answer it? Because I become so busy at trying to get back up that I can't even have the opportunity to notice what is happening to me. So many things to gaze upon, take notice that makes you feel left out, unwanted, or regrettable. Yes I put my despair in words, but I could never put it in actions. I could never express it without a piece of paper or a blank word document. People say I always have to be happy, all the time and when I fail to be happy, I fail life. You cannot show your true emotions because the people do not want to see that. They'd rather have you boiling up yourself inside rather than to let it all out. And another thing that prevents me from expressing is that some people get hurt when they see me hurt. I, as a person, gets burdened by the fact that people are getting hurt because of me. Imagine how I feel when I see or hear people get hurt because of my sad feelings. It's like putting a ton of weight on my back, and then put another ton. I feel the burden of being at fault. So for me, I would just keep it to myself and find a piece of paper to write about it. Because that way, I hurt nobody, just me. 

To end this blog, I leave a question. Would it be better for everyone's sake if I took myself out of the picture? Because for them, I am just one moving and breathing liability and I should be taken out of the picture?