Hypopotamus.

You know what really ticks me off? Hypocrites.

And one of those people happen to be my mom.

She's such a hypocrite. She always teaches me how to respect a person, how not to make that person ashamed because of what you did. She always tells me not to do this or not to do that. She teaches me a lot of stuff, and her favorite thing to teach would be respect.

Well, she really knows a lot about *insert sarcastic tone here* respect. She really *insert sarcastic tone here again* does. Yet, whenever she finds the chance to insult me in front of everybody, she does. I mean, things that we could talk about at home can't wait. Things that shouldn't be talked about in front of other people can't wait. And not only does she scold and insult me in public places, she does it with not a mild-mannered tone, but with a tone that's similar to a megaphone. It's like she's announcing to the public that "HEY! I'M SCOLDING AND INSULTING MY SON IN FRONT OF YOU! TAKE NOTICE!" and the people do. She doesn't know how to keep a mild-mannered tone. And, fun fact here, she also teaches us not to shout, to have lower tones just as so not to start an argument.

What a hypocrite. She keeps on telling, oh wait I'm wrong, NAGGING us on these lessons and yet, she does the exact opposite of what she says! What am I supposed to do?

Sorry about ranting, but I'm so pissed off right now, I need a breather. Thanks.

random thoughts...

hey anonymous reader (if there is one)

hey. I just needed something to release my thoughts with. I'm sure that no one will read this so no form, no grammar checks, no spelling, no formality, just words. I'm just going to write and write and write.

I don't know why, but I'm so sad today. Maybe because I think about the things I thought last night. Like the thoughts of not seeing someone for the remainder of the holidays. That just bums me out, really bums me out. I understand that she's busy and all, and I'm willing to accept it, but you can't remove the feeling of missing someone so badly that you want to enjoy the remaining time before the gap arrives.

I feel so heavy today, so sad. And it shows. A clear indication is that I'm doing this blog. And I only do blogs if I'm extremely happy or sad. And right now, I'm sad.

The last Friday night of the year for us, everything that happened that night, was unexpected. Not the positive unexpected. A lot of problems occurred, my day was pretty much downhill since 1pm, so negative vibes was filling me. Yep, I got it out of my system, but somehow, that night always found a way to piss me off. That's why I waited the clock to turn 12:00 a.m. Just to end the day. Or maybe it was just me, hoping, that something extraordinary or amazing would happen, but alas, nothing of that sort transpired. It was fun, meeting new people and all. But like I said, the things that happened that night was unexpected.

The days that we would be apart for a long time has not happened yet, i already miss you. I know that I have to be strong because I love you, and I will do everything, whatever it takes to have you back in my arms. When we meet again, I will hug you so tight and never let you go, believe it.

and on the 3rd month...(part 1)

Or I think I'ts 4. Yeah, Its 4 months since a tragedy happened. I was down, I was out, I was hopeless. I didn't even think I would find someone who would give a damn about me.

It started out as a regular conversation, heck, she even wanted the conversation done, but I did not know that, so I just kept yapping... and yapping... and yapping...and yapping until I saw that it was already 2am. Man, I didn't know that I could yap that long.

The morning after, something was bothering me, I kept thinking about what happened the night before. My brain was rattling me with questions that I couldn't answer. You see, it kept rattling me, that it got to a point where I wanted to give the answers, but I just don't know what the answers are!

So, we just talked and talked and talked, but the questions in my mind were still bothering me. Until it got to a point where another part of my body was bothering me, my heart. My heart also had a lot of questions I don't know the answers to, but I was trying to answer it, but it won't accept partial results. So now, I had two vital body parts asking me a ton of unanswerable questions.

At this point, we knew at least a ton of stuff about each other, given the longevity of our conversations. Sometimes, I get the feeling that something is really up, did I mention that a lot of things about us are common? And for a person like me, I don't get that a lot, heck, I don't get that at all. There was really something going on, but I still couldn't put my finger on it.

Finally, I decided, I needed professional help, and by professional, I mean my best friend. I told him everything that had happened and asked the questions that were being asked to me. That son of a gun listened and listened and only had one answer to my questions, and irritatingly enough, his answer was another question which was "what do YOU think?"

So here, I am, confused, dazed, I just don't know what to think. Or I just don't want to admit it to myself. That I am slowly falling for this girl.

You cant put the blame on me.

Wow. I'm so pissed off right now. I want to punch a hole through the wall. 

How the hell could I help I dont even know what to help it with. You've been taught a thousand times, and yet you still dont know how to do it. It's so frickin' simple!!! And yet you still point your finger at me, blaming me for your own faults. You've been taught countless of times, and yet you still cant do it right?? Anybody could lose patience at someone who was taught a thousand times and yet still needs help. Oh come on, isn't it enough?? can't you do it all on your own. And now you're mad at me because I'm losing patience? Oh come on, get real. Its always like this, you react the same way every time this happens. I dont know about you but, Im betting my boots its your pride, you cant stand a person that gets irritated with you, but you cant see the fact that some people get irritated with people who had been taught a number of times but still cant do it. Its so simple yet to you, its rocket science. Well, news flash, its not. Its easier than opening a can of soup. and now you punish me by taking the thing that matters to me, do you think that would solve anything? Its irrational thinking, it wouldnt resolve this conflict and most importantly, it wouldnt solve YOUR problem, given that YOUR problem lies within the thing. You shouldt point your finger at someone if the problem was entirely your fault, which in this case, it is. Youve been taught by more than one, yet you still manage to forget and make me say the things that I have been repeatedly saying every frickin' time you do it. If you really want to know, pay and hire someone who would spoonfeed you every single detail, cause I wont do it.

-__-

random.

Hey. Its been a while since I last blogged. Might as well update this page.

So, this were the things you missed...

First, Someone totally blew me off. We were supposed to talk but unfortunately, her "parents(?!)" was there already and she had to leave. Am I that light to just be blown off every single time?!

Second, I still dont have my jacket with me, she still has it. And she's not giving it back unless we talk. WTH?? what more could I say that's now written all over my face, my blogs, my tweets, everything.  There's nothing left to talk about. She left, I got hurt, the end.

Third, This "waiting for the right one" thing, is pretty good. I mean, I dont have to chase around a string, i dont have to please someone, i dont have to be hurt. I'm pretty fine with my life right now, remove the shitty stuff that's been happening lately, and you get something that is pretty neutral. The feeling that I'm feeling right now is like sitting on a la-Z boy chair, slow chill.

that's what's happenin' so far. more updates when something wicked this way comes again. :))

Philosophy

If there was a good teacher for views in love, life and the like... it would be artists like john mayer.

If you want to lean how perfect love comes, ask those kind of people. I mean, like, in every song that they write and sing, it has a meaning in it. It teaches you stuff, I'm a living student of these amazingly talented people. And when they're playing in concerts, they pause to say some things that teaches you a lot about life, and it just doesn't come from their minds, it also comes from their experiences.

I learn a lot from these people, especially in love. They teach that waiting for the right girl takes time, and sometimes a lot of it! And when you do finally have her, never let go. Treat her like a princess and always make her happy. Maybe, when the time comes, and you have proven yourself through time, she maybe the one who you could exchange vows with, and spend the rest of your days together.

"Treat her like a princess"

You know what, Since the first time I knew how love feels, I promised myself that when I find that perfect girl, I would treat her just like that, a princess.

-Dwight

Cool! :))

"it was just a coincidence" 

I laugh at myself sometimes :)) When I get giddy at simple things! haha :)) While I was doing my daily routine of surfing the internet and watching videos on youtube, tweeting on twitter, and commenting and looking through people's lives in facebook, I saw a certain tweet from someone. I saw this while changing tabs and watching "sign seeker" by john lloyd cruz. I keep telling myself that it was just a coincidence that what that person said, what I was watching and what I last blogged about was connected together. Maybe it is, maybe its not. :))

Whatever it is, I'll still be waiting :) If that coincidence is indeed a sure sign, then "thank you lord! so much! i only asked for pandesal, and you gave me a hamburger with fries on the side". If not, well, there's always someone for somebody, patience is a virtue my friend. :))

I'm like a kid. :))

-Dwight

 

My (almost) princess

All my life I've been looking for a princess...

Someone to spoil, someone to treat right. I've been waiting for that person all my life. I really thought you were the one, I wanted to do everything to make you happy, contented, comfortable with me. I wanted to make you feel how you made me feel every single text, call, talk. For once I was genuinely happy, and again, I thought you were the one. I will never treat you the way others treated you, I wanted to make you my princess, never letting your feet touch the ground. But alas, you already chose, and left me holding the crown that I was supposed to put on your head.

I love you. But I think my love is not enough, come to think of it, maybe it never was.

-dwight

Wow.

Shoot me and just get the job done, you've done enough damage already.

I knew it. I was just kidding myself, making myself hold on to nothing. Hey, who am I to be the one who will make you happy, who am I to think that I could be happy for once, WHO AM I?

Wow. This hurts like hell. I couldn't blame anyone else, this was my choice. I finally get to feel the burn. The burn hurts like hell. You do everything to make her happy, yet nothing seems to be enough, nothing you do seems to make her feel that you love her. NOTHING.

Shit. I should have known this was coming. I let myself believe that FINALLY, I GET THE CHANCE TO BE HAPPY. FINALLY, SOMETHING THAT I DESERVE. Maybe I deserve this, I didn't learn my lesson. I gave everything up again. Why does it have to be like this? Is this the reward I get every time I get to love someone? Well, maybe its my fault. I got too attached.

Will someone please pick up the pistol from the table and shoot me with it in the head? You've done enough damage already. There's nothing left to do but finish the job. Let me die.

-dwight

Taco bell?

"Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere"- Adele

A little bird told me something about a picture and wall posts.

Am I just kidding myself? Am I that of a failure that I always have to end up crawling, hurt? Do I always have to shed tears?

Maybe, its what I am. As I've said, I'm gonna die alone. It makes me wince every time I see those posts. You don't know this feeling. This feeling that, nothing is EVER going to happen because you will NEVER get over. I need to know if you're just playing me for chumps, making me believe that there's a chance. It just makes me cry every time I think about it, every time I see it. Maybe that's why you're so confused. Maybe, all I can give is everything I have, and that wouldn't be enough. What am I compared to that, eh? I could make you happy, but I couldn't make you love me.

Am I just kidding myself?

-dwight

Waking up from a nightmare

You know what its like waking up from a nightmare?

You're heart is racing. You're sweating cold sweat. But after all of those subside, you realize, it was just a dream, a bad dream. But what if its not a nightmare, you'd think its a nightmare, you'd just wish it was only a nightmare, but it isn't. You feel it. You see it. You'd shake yourself awake, pleading that everything that is happening is not true, but it is. You cant get away. 

I painted you a picture just so you could understand what I am feeling right now while I write this. I wish this was just a nightmare, a bad dream. No way this could be a bad dream, I pinched myself three times, its legit. Maybe, I want to believe this is a bad dream because I just cant believe what's happening right now is true. I cant accept the fact that the war is almost over, and I'm losing. Chances are winning are low. Attempts to fight are futile. I just cant seem to win. No matter how I try, I cant prove that I'm better. 

Will someone please wake me up?!

-dwight

pain

Wikipedia defines pain as "an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience". 

You know, this feeling sucks. Pain. Its there when you scrape your knee, its there when you get shot, its there when you fall down the stairs, its also there when you lose hope on love.

I see what's happening. I should've known better. It hurts when you know you have no control over what's happening. It hurts when the only thing you are fighting for, is being taken away from you, a chance. Maybe, if I didnt tell her, if she didnt know that I love her, the pain would be less. But I have told her, she already knows. Its like skydiving, loving the thrill, but forgetting that you didnt wear your parachute. Falling and falling, just waiting for the moment you feel the excruciating feeling of hitting the ground.  Or a disease, slowly killing every part of your body until you're paralyzed, unable to move, begging the disease to kill you but it wont. I never thought that the pain would hurt this bad, its like its slowly eating me up, until there's none left. I want to shout "KILL ME NOW! END IT! PLEASE JUST DO IT! PULL THE TRIGGER! MAKE MY HEART STOP, ANYTHING TO MAKE THIS PAIN NUMB!!!" 

There's a remedy for almost every pain, there's betadine for knee scrapes, there's surgery when you get shot, there's a cast for broken bones from falling down the stairs...

but there's no cure for a broken heart.

-dwight

Just perfect

You know when you find that perfect girl....

She's absolutely the perfect girl. Everything you're looking for in a girl molded into one being. She's the one who makes me happy. Every time I'm with her, I just wish time would stop so we could stay there, cherish the moment and for once, feel the feeling of happiness. I love her smile, that smile would always make me happy, that smile would always make me smile. That smile that always makes fireworks every time I see it. Her pout, that cute little pout that she makes, just wanna make you make her sad just to see that, and when you notice it and tell her, it turns into that smile you've been waiting for. And the way she moves, not gracefully, but like a child, not wary of everything around her, its like the world is her floor. The way she sings in that cute little voice. The way she thinks of other people's welfare before herself's.

I love everything about her. I just wish she'd love me too.

Have you ever had the feeling that...

maybe, you're just gonna die alone? 

the way I see it, its always the same scenario, find a girl, fall in love, get hurt, cry, get back up again. Its always the same cyclical routine that is happening to me since I started to learn how to love someone. Maybe its my fault that I get too attached to someone, making the effort to make her happy, but will always fail in the end. I know the feeling sucks but its exactly how my life is fairing right now. I cant find the girl that would FINALLY break the curse. Maybe, I already found her, but she's still at a crossroads, unfortunately, not in my advantage. Would I die alone, maybe live in an apartment and fill it up with rubbish? Sounds tragic but the way I see it, that's the life I'm headed to. I just cant be happy, no one would make me happy. 

Am I really gonna die alone?

-dwight :)

testing, testing

Hey! Dwight here. Its the first time I've done this, blogging. So, if you're reading this now, please bear with me as I introduce myself to this world of blogs. :)

So, here's some things people already know about me:
- I'm Dwight
-18
-1st time blogger
-I play guitar
-I love to collect toys
-I love sports
-I read lots of books
-I try to be happy everyday, even though I know that I'm not.
-I have lots of friends

That's pretty much who I am so far. you'll learn about me when I start filling this page up with stories and heartfelt(?) rants. :)

-see ya when I see ya! :) dwight.